i recalled before u said that all u wanted was to find someone that blows your mind and then spend the rest of your life with, that’s as simple as what you’ve ever wanted. when i heard what u said, immediately i thought we understood each other because that’s what i’ve always wanted, and we both understood how hard it was to find love in the first place. we dated, we kissed for hours and in the end we ended up being together not because of sex, but because how we loved and fell for each other.
i’ve always pictured us giving each other a fair time off after that incident and no contact, then we would recollect all our emotions and think back all the shit that we’ve been through over the past few months back to the start and the memories of how we got together, then evaluate our relationship, come to an understanding, talk it through after our cool down period and work things out because at this point in our lives in a gay relationship, in the long run, all we could yearn for is companionship, trust, and commitment to each other. i gave u my all, and i gave u everything (and sometimes probably too much of it), except for trust which i realized recently was what we needed to work on. i was prepared to do that, but apparently it seemed like u didn’t even bothered to try.
where else could u find someone committed in a companionship in the distant years to come when we’re both old, saggy and ridden with sickness who’s willing to look past your ugly flaws and the worst of you and put all the effort to accept and adapt because he still thinks that you’re worth it as a companion, friend, lover, family, etc?
where else could u find someone who’s willing to be in an open relationship because u have urges and all that he needed was simply just an assurance that everytime u will always come back to his heart and a little bit of patience, and not some confusing shit that u have to actually “choose” between the other guy and him.
where else could u find someone selfless enough that will go that extra mile for u when u needed the most even if it means waking up in the middle of the night to send u off to the airport or the bus station and not complaint a single bit because he knows how much u mean to him?
where else could u find someone to make an effort to try and forcibly push away all his own insecurities just so he can give u what u’ve always wanted regardless of how uncomfortable it is and all u needed to give was just time a bit little more patience?
where else could u find someone that can be easily talked out of a heated argument simply by just a light touch on the face, a slight nudge on the shoulder, a small peck on the cheek, or just a silly stupid joke to make him smile again, forget everything and make everything alright again?
where else could u find someone who’s fascinated by your job and putting an effort to Google the internet and read terms and some jargons to understand your job just so u won’t feel so isolated when u talk about your frustration at work?
where else could u find someone who would make the effort to prepare food and bites for you whenever you’re busy and hungry knowing how big portions you want in your meals after a tiring day at work, especially your favorite curry noodles?
where else could u find someone who’s heart aches when you get sad or upset about in work or your family and will always be there no matter what to make everything alright again because all he cares more in the world is you other than himself?
where else could u find someone who has good friends that accepts him for who he is and is willing to make u feel comfortable and to meet u and is genuinely happy for u both without any forms of discrimination, judgments, just pure open, honest, friendship, love and absolute respect for the privacy of u both?
this was what we could have been, what we could’ve had, and what we could’ve become, if only it could’ve been our reality.
greenmatcha 